GNN: Non-News Update from the Upper Midwest

Dateline: Royal Oak, Michigan
Weather: Sunny, blue skies, no clouds. Light wind. Perfect for raking up the crap in the garden. Hey, how did that McDonald’s cup end up in my pond? I don’t even go to McDonald’s!
Time: 11:11 a.m. EDT. I’m goofing off, waiting for my other half to go over the payroll before I […]

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GNN: Woman Felled By Marauding Virus

Dateline: Royal Oak, Michigan, USA
This non-correspondent and Editor in Chief is first on the scene with breaking news…
As the snow melts (finally) and the skies sparkle with a glorious blue, and all things little and green are poking their tender heads out of the ground. Well, you would think, all must be perfect in the world.
No.
This […]

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GNN: Sports Team Wins!

Dateline: Abstraction
One sports team played against another sports team. One of the teams won. The other lost. The fans claimed to care. Fans of the winning team got drunk, shouted a bunch and did some minor vandalism whereas fans of the losing team got drunk, shouted a bunch and did some minor vandalism.
The coach of […]

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GNN: Amateur Website Disorganized

Dateline: Here
The editorial staff here at Gnus Non-News has observed that their site is poorly organized. This reporter made up the following conversation:
Bongo said, “It’s set up like a blog instead of a real newspaper.”
JLH said, “We ought to organize it into sections by topic - you know, like a travel section and so on.”
Bongo […]

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GNN: Man Oblivious, Woman Aware

Dateline: A Parade
A man took his children to a parade. He and his children joined the parade and followed along the path of the parade watching both the other people in the parade and the people watching and being confused by said parade. On arriving at the parade’s stopping point, the children and supposedly sensible […]

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GNN: Wikipedia not 100 percent reliable

GNN, internet Comments (2)

Dateline Internet:

Times are changing. One could say they’re a changin’ but that would be old fashioned and this is the 21st century. It’s later than it’s ever been before. In the olden days of yore, people used to look things up in proofread edited books. Nowadays, they look things up on the net. At least this reporter does and my favorite site of all is Wikipedia. It has everything. Almost. That’s the problem. I just discovered it.

It seems completely implausible yet it’s true. Wikipedia is incomplete. Worse yet, it isn’t completely accurate. Even worse, it doesn’t go into full depth on anything. It’s almost as if it’s an encyclopedia produced by thousands of informally organized volunteers all with their own biases and flaws. Who knew? Well. Now you do because reporting here is always 100% accurate.

Dent, Stuart Dent @ May 6, 2008

GNN: Unidentifiable Blurry Stick Hand Thingy Returns

GNN, internet Comments (3)

Dateline: First of May

Mayday! May Day!

A month passed and the blurry many named one posted not a single post and then boom! Within a single 24 hour period, he’s written two things. How did that happen? Reporters are still investigating. The kitchen still needs work so there may be some delays in full reportage.

See. This article is ending a bit early. There’s nothing really funny in it.

The Stickman @ May 1, 2008

GNN: Spring Brings Slowdown of Internet Traffic

GNN, Non-News, Uncategorized, internet, points, post-dated, time Comments (2)

Dateline: Internet

It appears that a recent global warming trend which is resultant of the hemisphere being treated to spring has been directly related to a slowdown of Internet traffic.

This is been especially noted here by the editors of Gnus Non-News. According to data provided by www.statcounter.com, a dearth of visitors to the non-news site has been occurring for the last month.

The drop in traffic corresponds to the First Day of Spring, the melting of snow, the opening of lawn and garden centers, and the growing of grass. In fact, this non-correspondent will be taking the next few days off for manual labor, not limited to raking, stone removal, tree pruning, koi procurement, hole digging, and the training of grapevines. There is also the promise of possible lawn mowing looming large.

For those of you who have been waiting with bated breath for the new GNN, I must apologize for the decidedly lackluster opening. My compatriates and I will be working to rectify the situation, as soon as the skies darken. Conventional wisdom and prophecies passed down in the Farmers’ Almanac points to the “fact” that April showers bring May flowers.

Until then, please avoid the “Under Construction” signs and have patience.

Back to you, BONGO, wherever you are…

Joanne Huspek @ April 30, 2008